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| This takes place after Mitch's funeral. It actually will be a part of my longer story All In My Head. But if feels like a stand alone story to me. Pacey and Joey always seemed to exist in this magical bubble. I hope you guys like it.
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The night air breezed a chill about me as I walked through the quiet streets of the city. I cradled myself for warmth and for strength as I made my way towards the docks. I had decided that I was just going to go for an evening stroll to clear my mind, to let off some steam after the stress of the past few days. Mitch’s death had thrown all of our worlds out of alignment. Dawson’s pain may be the purest, the most visceral, but we all had been permanently altered by this loss. Somehow my feet had a mind of their own as I found myself at the slip where Pacey’s boat was docked.
The wind stirred lightly as I watched Pacey’s boat bob in the water. A soft light blurred in the window of the cabin. I could see his dark silhouette moving inside. I nervously fingered the stack of postcards in my pocket, silently contemplating whether to climb aboard or retreat back to the safety of my dorm room. The sensible plan would have been to keep walking, to continue to forge ahead on my mission to be there completely for Dawson, in whatever capacity he needed me. Even though Dawson was pushing me away right now, that was no reason for me to undermine all the hopes we had for each other before Mitch’s terrible accident. I should have gone to talk to Audrey or Jen, there was no reason for me to be here, hoping to see him. The forces that compelled me to come here tonight were not in my best interest. The last thing I needed was another distraction to divert my attention from Dawson. If I had a pen I would have left him a note. Something short and simple like [i:5f4783d3f8]“Stopped by to see you. Will talk to you soon. Joey.”[/i:5f4783d3f8] But I didn’t have a pen and I couldn’t just leave without letting him know that I had been here, that I had sought him out. Even after all that happened between us, I still wanted him to know his importance in my life. I turned to leave, my brain urging my feet to leave from their current spot on the docks, when I heard his voice.
[i:5f4783d3f8]“What are you doing here Potter? Didn’t you get enough of me at the restaurant?”
“I just needed to clear my head and the best place to do that –“
“Is by the water. I get it. Feel free to come aboard and lie on deck, and take in the view.”
“Thanks.”[/i:5f4783d3f8] I accepted his hand and climbed aboard. His uniform from work was open revealing a white tee shirt that clung to his body. I didn’t try to hide the fact that I was staring at him. This person I knew every inch of so well, now stood before me transformed. Growing up is fairly seamless, almost undetectable when you are a witness every step of the way. But these months apart from him have made me conscious of all his changes. When was the exact moment he went from boy to man? [i:5f4783d3f8] “If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? It's a good night for stargazing."
“It would be a pleasure. Let me just finish changing.”[/i:5f4783d3f8] He disappeared into the boat’s cabin, but continued to talk at a louder volume. [i:5f4783d3f8]“How’s Dawson doing? Have you spoken to him at all tonight?”
“He’s probably busy with family stuff.”[/i:5f4783d3f8] I struggled to keep my voice steady as I pushed the thoughts of Dawson to the back of my mind. The pain of being rejected by Dawson was just vanity on my part. Who was I to attempt to dictate how he should grieve?
[i:5f4783d3f8]“He’s just hurting Jo. You know he’ll come around. He needs you. He doesn’t mean to shut you out.”[/i:5f4783d3f8]
He reemerged in time to see the cynicism on my face. [i:5f4783d3f8]“Well you know how well we dealt with crisis in the past.”
“I don’t know what to say to that.”[/i:5f4783d3f8] He stretched out next to me on the deck, so close I could feel the warmth of skin, but not touching.
[i:5f4783d3f8]“It’s ok Pace. I know how you really feel. Dawson and I don’t know how to make it when the going gets tough. But as I recall you and I didn’t deal with crisis that well either. Look how we ended up.”
“Seems like we ended up right where we started. Two friends on a dock.”
“Friends?” [/i:5f4783d3f8] I felt his gaze turn to me. My body physically warmed as I imagined his sparkling eyes drinking in the curves of my face. I turned to find myself staring into his eyes. My breath caught in my throat as I saw something familiar flicker beneath his aqua stare.
[i:5f4783d3f8]“Yes.”[/i:5f4783d3f8] The delivery betrayed the meaning. The word clung to his throat until he forced it out in a raspy whisper. Or maybe I imagined it.
[i:5f4783d3f8]“Three days ago I went to bed feeling like my world was about to change.”
“Why was that?”
“Well you and I saw each other again and nothing happened. No fights broke out, no heated debates –“
“No angry make-up sex. It’s not too late for that now you know.”
“Pacey I’m trying to make a serious point.”
“Sorry. I will behave.”
“As I was saying. We saw each other again and nothing changed. Except for me. It was like a sign.”
“More signs Jo?”
“I figure sooner or later I’m bound to see a good one. The odds are in my favor at this point.”
“So what did this sign mean?”
“I’m not sure. I just felt like I was at a turning point. Some things that I once thought were impossible were now possible.”
“Like world peace?”
“Pacey!”
“Sorry I’m just trying to follow how seeing me was a turning point.”
“Because you kept your promise.”
“To be wherever you are”
“Yes.”[/i:5f4783d3f8] We fell silent as the past enveloped us. The memory of that night when I was almost too drunk to remember the depths he loved me. Proved with a promise. [i:5f4783d3f8]“But I know now that I was wrong. I misread the signs again. Mitch died that night and I knew when Dawson called me that some things are bigger than promises made to a drunken girl in the middle of the night.”
“Jo-“
“Don’t worry, I‘m not trying to stir things up or rise the past back from the dead. I just want you to know where I am headed.”
“To Dawson.”
“Yes. He needs me.”
“What do you need?”
“To be there for him.”[/i:5f4783d3f8] I had almost chickened out. The words [i:5f4783d3f8]‘I don’t know’[/i:5f4783d3f8] were on the tip of my tongue. But I owed him this much. This truth will help both of us. [i:5f4783d3f8]“These past couple of days I realized that you never know when it will be the last time you see someone. So I wanted you to have these.”[/i:5f4783d3f8] His fingers brushed mine as he took the cards from my hand. I tried to shake off the disappointment that his touch did not linger on my skin.
[i:5f4783d3f8]“Postcards?”
“I thought maybe we can send them to each other whenever we felt –“
“The need?”[/i:5f4783d3f8]A smile spread across his face as his completed my thought. As he always did. I wanted to lean in closer and feel the warmth that his smile radiated. If only I could grab his face in my hands and press my lips to his, feeling that warmth in the pit of my stomach. The sweet burning that always came when he kissed me. Funny, I could feel the warmth rising in my belly even now, just being near him. I felt it at Civilization, just watching him. I wanted to badly to hold this moment in a time capsule. To keep it safe and protected, something just between us. I wanted to ask him if he felt it too.
[i:5f4783d3f8]“Yes the need. Pacey you can’t just go off to sea and not write. You have to let the people who love you know you’re okay. The same goes for me.”
“Boston is hardly as vast as the Atlantic, Joey.”
“We still can get lost though. I already wrote one to you on the top. I better get back. Audrey will be worried.”[/i:5f4783d3f8] I willed myself to get up and jump from the boat to the dock before Pacey could extend his hand to help. I couldn’t risk him touching me again. Not yet.
[i:5f4783d3f8]“Potter.”[/i:5f4783d3f8] His voice caressed me from behind. He felt so close, although he still was on his boat. He let me remain safely on the shore. He understood. Perhaps he even felt it too, the danger of this precarious line we were close to crossing. [i:5f4783d3f8] “My summer was really good and I needed to go out on my own like that. It was good for me. Even still, sailing is so much better when you are there.”
“So is Boston.” [/i:5f4783d3f8]
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| awwwww that was sweet!!!! thanks for writing it!! |
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| Great Job, Slyn........can't wait. :) |
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| Wow, that was beautiful. Such great writing, slyn. I enjoyed every second of it.
Especially this:
[quote:f889ae959a]My body physically warmed as I imagined his sparkling eyes drinking in the curves of my face.[/quote:f889ae959a]
After several views of DC syndie, I [i:f889ae959a]know[/i:f889ae959a] that look! It's when he's in the Joey trance while staring at her. I loved how you described it!
And you're right, it really is nice as a stand alone story. Loved it! |
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